Friday, September 18, 2015

Why I quit being a running blogger...

My life has changed considerably over the past few years. When I started blogging my daughter (who is currently a year shy of being in Kindergarten) was just born. We had just moved back to Indiana to be closer to our family and I was running consistently and at my lowest weight since Junior High.

I began blogging because, like many of us, I had a need. Deep down inside I needed to be accepted. I needed people to validate me. I found my self-worth in every retweet, in every share, in every "favorite" or follow. I built up a decent size following on Twitter and I was running pretty consistently. I did a couple of half-marathons and blogged all about them. Despite having a decent following, I wasn't happy.

As I have reflected on my running/blogging days I realized one thing - blogging made running a chore for me. Before I was blogging about running I loved it. I loved the thrill of challenging myself and setting goals and then beating personal bests. I loved going for random runs and not feeling like I had to run home and upload pictures from my run on Instagram. I began the miss the days of not having to download all of my run details to upload to Facebook so that I could get a bit of gratification from people who liked or or shared a picture of mine.

I haven't ran consistently for a long time - a long time as in almost two years. I told myself I didn't want to run because my life was busy, which is/was true, but really it was because of the memories it brought up. The memories that running became something that I wanted others to validate me in. That every step and every stride was me trying to prove to others that I'm worth the space I maintain on this earth. That I'm not a complete total waste of flesh and bone, but my view has changed.

You see a few years ago I wrote this..."God is continually reminding me that my goal is to please Him and not any man." The reason I quit being a running blogger is because I am more than a runner or a blogger - I'm creation of the one who created the world. Knowing that I've been created by the one who created the Grand Canyon, the sand on the beaches and every star in the sky is more gratification than I could ever receive from blogging.

I'm not saying I won't blog about my running adventures, but it won't consume me or my blog. Because my purpose on this earth is more than running.

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