Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Tenth Avenue North - "Worn"


I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn
I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn
And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn

Friday, September 18, 2015

Why I quit being a running blogger...

My life has changed considerably over the past few years. When I started blogging my daughter (who is currently a year shy of being in Kindergarten) was just born. We had just moved back to Indiana to be closer to our family and I was running consistently and at my lowest weight since Junior High.

I began blogging because, like many of us, I had a need. Deep down inside I needed to be accepted. I needed people to validate me. I found my self-worth in every retweet, in every share, in every "favorite" or follow. I built up a decent size following on Twitter and I was running pretty consistently. I did a couple of half-marathons and blogged all about them. Despite having a decent following, I wasn't happy.

As I have reflected on my running/blogging days I realized one thing - blogging made running a chore for me. Before I was blogging about running I loved it. I loved the thrill of challenging myself and setting goals and then beating personal bests. I loved going for random runs and not feeling like I had to run home and upload pictures from my run on Instagram. I began the miss the days of not having to download all of my run details to upload to Facebook so that I could get a bit of gratification from people who liked or or shared a picture of mine.

I haven't ran consistently for a long time - a long time as in almost two years. I told myself I didn't want to run because my life was busy, which is/was true, but really it was because of the memories it brought up. The memories that running became something that I wanted others to validate me in. That every step and every stride was me trying to prove to others that I'm worth the space I maintain on this earth. That I'm not a complete total waste of flesh and bone, but my view has changed.

You see a few years ago I wrote this..."God is continually reminding me that my goal is to please Him and not any man." The reason I quit being a running blogger is because I am more than a runner or a blogger - I'm creation of the one who created the world. Knowing that I've been created by the one who created the Grand Canyon, the sand on the beaches and every star in the sky is more gratification than I could ever receive from blogging.

I'm not saying I won't blog about my running adventures, but it won't consume me or my blog. Because my purpose on this earth is more than running.

Fear

This morning all over Central Florida the big news story was a missing 11 year old boy not too far from my home. As a parent, youth pastor and a frequent substitute teacher in the local schools this story scared me to no end. I can't imagine the idea of my child or one of my students just not coming home at the end of the day. There was a sense of relief when later this afternoon I read that the boy was found safe not too far from his home. It is in this boy's story that I hope all of the students I interact with are able to learn a lesson.

The reason this boy did not return home was because he had missed curfew and so he was afraid of the trouble he was going to get into for being late. Fear is a powerful emotion. Fear causes us sometimes to do crazy things. Fear causes us not think clearly.

If my students learn anything from this story it is that sometimes when we make mistakes or we mess up we have to deal with consequences no matter how scared we are for the punishment. It is when we let fear control us that we often make our circumstances 100,000% worse.

Think about this situation for a second...he comes home a few minutes late. His parents maybe lecture him, ground him or take away his iPhone for a few days. End of story. But instead this boy chose to let fear control him. And his fear caused a massive search of the community. It caused all of the local TV stations, radio stations and social media accounts to be aware of his situation.

So the next time you find yourself in a tough situation, don't let fear make it worse. Don't let fear control you. Understand that your actions have consequences and deal with it, but most importantly learn from it.